Morning Séx is like Eating Chocolate Cake For Breakfast

By on April 28, 2015

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In the morning haze, when you’re at your most vulnerable and still easing into the day, nothing beats the feeling of having someone next to you wrapping his arms around you and make you feel wanted.

Morning s*x is like eating chocolate cake for breakfast — it’s decadent, indulgent and comforting. Plus, who doesn’t want to linger in bed just a little longer?

The benefits extend to more than just being uncharacteristically nice to everyone for the rest of the day. Multiple studies have shown that individuals who engage in morning s*x are healthier and happier people. Your post-coital glow that others are noticing isn’t totally bogus.

Waking up to an eager partner sure as hell beats waking up to an alarm clock.

Here are all the reasons morning s*x is the best s*x.

1. Because you’ll actually remember it.

This is a win for you and your wife, who will appreciate the fully detailed recap later.

Normally you can’t recollect anything save a few fragments, “I think it was um, good?”; “He was hot, right? You guys saw him?” But now you’ll be able to fill in all the good stuff.

2. You’re guaranteed to wake up on the right side of the bed.

s*x in the morning gets you — and the day — off right. Researchers from the University of Cincinnati found that morning s*x is a natural stress-reliever and these effects can last for at least seven days, meaning your early Monday romp could ease those Sunday Blues.

Morning s*x also increases levels of IgA, an antibody that helps to fight against infection, according to Dr. Debby Herbenick, an American research scientist and author of “Because It Feels Good.” It’s like taking your daily vitamins… only way more pleasurable.

3. You can skip the gym.

It’s a way better alternative to a morning workout before hopping into the shower. Scientists confirm that an hour of s*x burns almost as many calories as a 30-minute jog.

After an hour, men and women burn an average of 240 calories and 180 calories, respectively.

While that length of straight thrusting might be wishful thinking (unless you’re of the jack-hammer variety), like any good exercise routine, at least you’ll have something to work up to.

4. Who doesn’t want to begin the day with an climax?

It’s like Christmas morning — there’s a package waiting for you to enjoy. And everyone scores.

5. Because your clothes are already off.

This does make for a speedier process, which is key for weekday mornings.

Heed the advice of great philosopher and first man to state the obvious, Aristotle, ”If everyone is unclad, it only follows then that we should have s*x.” Wise guy.

6. You can carpool after.

Who needs to drive to work when you’re already riding dirty?

7. It’s more intimate.

The few minutes we have to ourselves after first opening our eyes are special. Most people who you’re in regular contact with have no idea what you look, sound, smell and feel like first thing in the morning. It’s a rare moment to others that’s all to yourself.

Fill that moment in with another person and it becomes a shared secret privy to only you two. That’s what makes morning s*x so intimate.

It’s stri*ped of everything — clothes, makeup, the weight of a day’s events, toothpaste, priorities — and somehow leaves you feeling fuller.

8. Because shower s*x just doesn’t cut it.

The water in your face, the slippery surfaces (especially where feet are concerned!), the soap in places that can’t support life with soap — shower s*x is like the sh*tty water park version of intercourse you indulge in when you have nothing better to do over the summer.

Morning s*x is the more fun, cooler theme park. Better than Disney.

9. It affirms that you two are still interested in each other sober.

Any s*x that is not drunk and sloppy means there’s hope. When the lights are on, it’s even better getting off.

10. Because you love an excuse to gloat at work.

Coworker 1: How was your night?
You: I had amazing morning s*x.

Coworker 2: I’m so stressed.
You: Morning s*x could fix that. I would know.

11. It’s a better replacement for coffee.

s*x gets you going first thing in the morning. A poke in the back jolts you awake in a way that caffeine can’t.

If you become addicted, we understand.

12. You leave on a high.

Morning s*x is ending the night on a good note. Especially in more “foreign” bedrooms, post-morning s*x acts as an inoffensive cue to exit. We f*cked. Now SCRAM!

13. There’s nothing like a good c*ck rooster to wake you up.

Exposed early breath, post-coital glow, natural daylight to contour your face — morning s*x makes waking up early totally worth it.
But hey! s*x is worth waiting for..